Say what you will about the first 300 movie (and you do, I get comments expressing revulsion at its politics almost every time I bring it up favorably), if you ask me it's got one foot on the gas and the other knee-deep in sarcasm - I'm still convinced it's presenting us with a vision of what Spartan propaganda would look like a la Paul Verhoeven's Starship Troopers, and it doesn't actually buy the rah-rah it's selling. If I were smart I'd look at Zack Snyder's out-put since it (especially Man of Steel) and step that belief back a bit, but re-watching the movie the other day I still see it that way. Maybe it's just my projection, but my projection sits just fine on the thing so I'm gonna stick with it.
The second film keeps a bit of that conceit - we're still hearing this tale told by somebody with an angle on it - but not surprisingly less so; as Randy told us in Scream 2, sequels are usually just more concerned with being bigger and bloodier and 300: Rise of an Empire is all over inflation. Where once there were just 600 perfect pecs for us to ogle now there's untold thousands stretching from sea to shining sea. Skulls split, crows feast, and golden calves jiggle in the sun-kissed air - spectacle begets spectacle. In the end the movie doesn't hold together as well as the first one, but good hell it's some fun while you're up in it.
Nowhere more than with Eva Green, popping up in a new spike-flared Alexander McQueen knock-off after every time the camera turns away for a second, sneering and slithering her tongue between her teeth with all the zest the depths of Hades can muster. She's Xena: Goth Rock Princess, either sticking something with a pointy stick or getting the guys to lift up their dainty little skirts for her - they might only have eyes for their Greek fleet, but they'll still take her for a bouncy castle in the sky ride. She's worth riding ten times.
Well there that is. Honestly I'm really not sure what I am supposed to do with these pictures of Jake Gyllenhaal and his bare ass on the set of his Everest movie taken in Rome on Sunday (via). It's just like... what do I do with this information? I don't know what to do. I can't process them. I'm a little bit broken right now from these, you guys. I went for a walk, I came back, and there these were...
... looking at me. (Several of you sent them along because you guys rule, thanks to you all.) The pictures are looking at me, but everything I want to do with what I am looking at I cannot. It's not right. So while I go stumble into the desert to contemplate the meaning of existence, you go hit the jump and look at 18 more pictures, and see if you can figure out WHAT IT ALL MEANS.
Good grief. These are the times (we've seen him in a wetsuit before, here and here) when we're reminded what a wasted opportunity that Thor costume he wears is. Why couldn't he have a slick bodysuit a la Chris Evans in Fantastic Four? He'd obviously make good on it! What a waste. That giant red cape of Thor's is an abomination! Hit the jump for fifteen more pictures (via) of the elder Hemsworth making waves...
A happy 33rd birthday to our favorite new constantly nude German ginger Matthias Schweighöfer. For previous excursions into gratuitous Schweighöfer-ville click here and click here and ooh yes click here that one's good. It's kind of crazy with this dude - every time I think I maybe must've hit up everything he's given already, I stumble upon something like oh I don't know him stripping out of a soldier's uniform in a gay club?
That the actor Friedrich Mücke stripping with him there - if you google his name and Matthias' name together you will get endless, endless pictures of them kissing each other. It's really quite something.
New favorite couple! Hit the jump for more of them together and of Matthias separated... at least from his clothes.
I kind of feel like a dickhead for wishing Kellan into straight-to-video-ish obscurity so early in his career but if he can have the, uh, ample and, uh, bountiful career that Jean-Claude Van Damme, um, bounced around in for us, then I say we all should consider ourselves lucky. That Java Heat movie he put it in the air for was already a step straight in that blessed direction, and lord knows that Hercules thing wasn't doing him any favors in the upwards mobility department. Embrace the exploitative B-movies, darlin'.
This strange set of pictures via JJ is from a trip Kellan took to Thailand to christen a new resort there with his presence - why does that whole sentence read sketchy as hell to me? It's like... I don't know what you're good at, Kellan, but if it's at the Cheetah it ain't dancin'. We take the cash...
... we cash the check, we show 'em what they wanna see. Speaking of what we all wanna see, hit the jump for a few more pictures including some shots from that Hercules movie that missed me the first time past (doesn't it look like Liam McIntyre is grabbing his ass in the picture on the left here?)...
--- Fifty Fab - Yesterday was the 50th birthday of my favorite actress Juliette Binoche and I missed it, boo on me. Thankfully Nathaniel caught it over at The Film Experience and took a look at what she's got coming up - we all know and dread that shot of her crying in the trailer for Godzilla - and is asking what our favorite performance of hers is, go check out all the great answers in the comments. Really when it comes to Juli there are no bad answers - she is always good. Always.
--- Big Bads - Amazing Spider-Man director Marc Webb talked a bunch about the whole "multiple versus too many villians" thing over here with regards
to the upcoming sequel, and sure enough it seems I was right when I
predicted that some of the villains are there for mini-battles that will
be scattered throughout the movie. I suppose his actual quote is spoilery so I won't get into it; just know I know things, you
should listen to me.
--- Scot Spot - Hey look it's the clearest picture we've gotten so far of Michael Fassbender on the set of the new MacBeth movie (via).
Shocking no one, he makes for the MacBeth we all most want to sit on.
In related news I found this interesting - his Lady is being played by
Marion Cotillard and here she is talking about how they're keeping her French accent for it, which
ought to prove new since the play's so specifically Scottish.
--- Chainsaw Lover - I still can't believe a Heathers musical is a real thing, but sure enough it opens in just a few days here in New York and here's the fun croquet-themed poster for the show right here. I haven't bought tickets yet since all my focus is on my trip to Italy in a couple of weeks so I really hope the show sticks around long enough for me to catch it. (That means y'all need to go.)
--- Wasted Away - The latest asshole I mean actor who's decided that skinnying down will give him respect (while destroying all the attraction we the people had for him) and possibly an Oscar (which just got underlined and circled and stamped approved by the Academey this year twice over, is Mark Wahlberg, who's lost sixty some pounds for the remake of The Gambler that he's making, you can see pictures of him on set over here. He actually looks a little bit better than some of these guys have (oh Jake) though. I guess what he had to lose was ridiculous cartoon muscle mass.
--- Post Wreck - I
don't recall what sort of reviews that this movie got out of Sundance
but Slash has the word that Adam Wingard's follow-up to the terrific
slasher You're Next, called The Guest and starring a drastically different looking Matthew from Downton Abbey, has been picked up for release sometime this Fall. I liked You're Next enough that I'll see whatever he does, even if Dan Stevens isn't my favorite person to look at.
--- On The Captain - AICN has posted a couple of reports from the set of the Captain America 2 set, neither of which I've read but hey look it's a picture of Chris Evans from behind in his uniform that I haven't seen before so who gives a fuck about anything else. The trailer for this movie that I saw this weekend on an IMAX screen before the 300 sequel (hopefully I'll get to that later) was the first time I felt anything positive towards it - I've been strangely indifferent til now.
--- And finally, I missed this last week, shame on me, but here's what our pal Glenn Dunks thought of 2013 in the movies, from best movie on down. Some wonderful choices up in there - good love for You're Next and Stoker and Xavier Dolan, oh my. And now back to talking about me some more (phew I was not talking about myself for so long, that was exhausting) - I've been meaning to tell you guys, The 2013 Pantys are going to be delayed until next month. Things might actually be quiet up in here in general for the next two weeks as I prep for my Italy trip, and then, well, then I'll be in Italy, and so our awards for last year are going to have to wait until after all of that, I just don't have time to work on them right now. My apologies for the delay; hurting my arm last month really screwed with my timing. But now April will be awesome, right? RIGHT?
I was hoping there would be something that was even marginally "quote of the day" meterial in this chat with Nikolaj Coster-Waldau at Cosmo so I could have somewhat of an excuse for really just wanting to post that picture, that wonderful picture. But it's like Interviewing For Dummies over there - "Dude, incest is totes yucky, amirite" is about as deep as the questions get. So we'll just look at that picture and if we feel the need for more we'll pretend he's talking about Proust or some shit. (We probably won't feel the need though, after all.)
Jai Courtney is already a Big Thing in the most literal terms - I mean, come on - but he's really becoming a Big Thing in metaphorical terms too, what with all the roles he's landing, so right about now we're swimming in attractive photographs of him and I don't expect that to abate anytime soon. Thankfully! Blessedly! Keep it coming, we'll just keep posting 'em. .
It only seemed natural to devote this week's episode of "Beauty Vs. Beast" over at The Film Experience to Buffy the Vampire Slayer here on its 17th birthday, and with what better face-off than the show's best (by my estimation) face-off, between Buffy and her dark mirror Faith. Head over to TFE and vote!
And then come back here and go look at last week's Way Not To Die, which we also devoted to Buffy's birthday, in case you missed it. It was Genetlemen-riffic!
Hannibal's clear plastic jump-suit has been seen twice now, and is a clear homage to Patrick Bateman's iconic Leto-chopping rain-coat - but even if Bateman might've worn it first, Hannibal's is head-to-toe and impeccably tailored... will that give attention to detail him the edge? In summation, hey look we saw Hugh Dancy naked.
In the absence of any shots of a naked Nikolaj Coster-Waldau or a naked Kit Harington or naked Richard Madden (well yeah okay that last one was kind of unlikely) in the new trailer for the fourth season of A Game of Thrones, I've got to give the title of the most exciting (that is, literally boner-inducing) shot to the one of the dragon. We do see Jamie mack on Cersei for a second but yeah no that relationship strangely doesn't do much for me, funny that.
And we do see the new character of Oberyn Martell - played by the handsome enough Pedro Pascal, seen above wielding a big stick - momentarily doing the deed with some dark-haired lady. But they're selling this season kind of sexlessly at this point, which is turning my smile upside down. I come here for the dragons plus the inappropriate sex, show. Don't forget that. Here's the trailer:
I don't think I've ever seen an actor express better the precise sort of confusion and lingering exhaustion that's a staple of my own waking up every morning than Jon Hamm is getting across right there. Bravo, sir. Mornings suck.
Today's The Hammaconda's 43rd birthday - weird thing is, I don't watch Mad Men regularly (I know, I know - I get enough scoffing about that fact at home I don't need it from you people!) but just this morning I woke up from a Mad Men slash Masters of Sex nightmare - the characters from the two shows were all mixed up, but it was if David Lynch had directed the episode, and I was startled awake by one of the single scariest images I can ever remember having in a nightmare. So that's where my head is at this morning. I blame Jon Hamm. Jon, the only remedy is pictures of you walking to and from the store in yourusualcommandostate. I demand it!
... is happening to me... is happening to us all, right now, right there. Mark Ruffalo and Matthew Bomer kissing, folks. Boom. Done. That's from the teaser trailer for HBO's adaptation of The Normal Heart that we've got coming for us on May 25th, also starring Taylor Kitsch and Julia Roberts, Watch it here:
I think you got some, uh, jam or something on your face there, Mads Mikkelsen. No worries I will totally lick it off for you. Anyway so it's Friday which means there's a new episode of the best show on TV Hannibal to watch, hooray! What did y'all think of last week's premiere? I am still crawling out of my skin about that nightmare of an ending, and I wouldn't want it any other way. In less gruesome more adorable news - aww look down below it's a paper doll for Hannibal (via)! Everybody print out a copy and we'll all play with our pretty dolls and watch our favorite nightmare show together!
Well clearly that should have been this morning's "Good Morning, World" post. If I'd have seen it in time it would've been. Oh that's Ryan Hansen by the way, via the official Veronica Mars Instagram. I know I do practically a new post devoted to junk on Instagram every day but man that app's given us the world. Take for example the fact that a bunch of the cast of the Veronica Mars movie are all on a plane headed for SXSW in Austin right now and the boys can't seem to keep their hands off each other, a fact that's being lovingly documented over there.
You never realize you need to see Ryan Hansen and Chris Lowell giving each other foot-jobs until a picture of Ryan Hansen and Chris Lowell giving each other foot-jobs is staring you in the face and you're like, "Oh yeah I totally needed to see that." Now land that plane safely, fellas!
"One of my all time favorite actors and he really was quite dishy in his youth. Hard to believe it took Julie Christie so long to really see him in Madding Crowd. You should try and seek out The Running Man, not the Schwarzenegger one but the 1963 film of the same name directed by Carol Reed, both he and Lee Remick are ravishing in it. "
"He's gorgeous in Georgy Girl. Lots of wild, sexy, hairy chest moments in that movie. "
"Butley is a terrible movie but a good play. They made almost no effort to make it cinematic at all but Bates is excellent so I enjoyed it. He plays a bisexual for bonus points. We Think the World of You features an older, but still loveable,, Bates in a three-way love story with Gary Oldman and a dog. Strange little movie."