Friday, July 25, 2014

Top of the Weekend To Ya

.
.

Pierre Perrier Three Times

.
I've really got to go back and finish Les revenants; I made it through three episodes several months ago and then something happened that threw me off course, even though I was totally digging it. Any fans? See lots more Pierre here.


All Aboard For Ari Picker & Co

.
Unfortunately for me Lost in the Trees' lead singer Ari Picker's kept his clothes on every time I've seen him perform live - the above image is from this video of him working a Misfits cover band (back in 2012, I think) and I suppose that music lends itself more to the shirtless thrashing than his own music does. 

Not unfortunately for me though I've now seen them perform five times I think (four or five) and my love just keeps running deeper. Their last album Past Life - you guys really owe it to yourselves to buy it! It should be covered in gold stars and exclamation points, it is wonderful. (I have posted all this before.)

Anyway getting to my point - I post a few videos from their show over at my YouTube account this morning, you can see all the videos there; here below is my favorite song off of the latest album, the title track, which if you were to turn around the camera and point it in my direction... well I can't say you wouldn't see tears running down my face. That's how much I love there guys.
.

.

Five Frames From ?

.



What movie is this?
.

Good Morning, World

.
Our handless sister-humping boyfriend Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is turning 44 on Sunday, and we're trying to singe off the fumes from his last project so we're thinking happy thoughts, happy thoughts, which usually have to do with his clothes being off. 

These pics (via) are from a 2009 TV-movie called Virtuality that Peter Berg directed - was it a spin-off of that movie with Russell Crowe's butt in it? (ETA no wait that was called Virtuosity, nevermind.) Was it meant to be a series? I have no idea. Whatever it was obviously it didn't take, which is good because Nicky might not have become our Kingslayer if it had. Woe is that! 

Blah blah I'm hungover and way under-rested this morning and so sapped of clever repartee (allowing the inference that anything I've ever said has been clever, which... uh...) so hit the jump for a few more pictures of Nick.

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Christmas Again Woman (aka 3 Reviews)

.
Happy Christmas -- How nice that we have a director like Joe Swanberg working today, you guys. That's all I could think while watching Happy Christmas. How nice that somebody's getting movies made with complicated roles like this for terrific actresses, and who seems to delight in pointing his camera at terrific actresses so much. He really might be the closest thing we've got to a John Cassavetes (certainly closer than his son, whose godawful latest movie we're reviewing third in this post) - I kind of wish Joe would reunite with his Gena Rowlands (that'd be Greta Gerwig) now that I'm placing things in probably blasphemous to some of y'all terms and give us the Great Film he's probably capable of making, but spending a somewhat slight hour and a half watching Anna Kendrick and Melanie Lynskey and Lena Dunham push at the edges of likeable, stretching it towards something more human than just that, is nothing you're gonna hear me knocking. Same with his Jane Adams movie All the Light in the Sky last year - this is a good place, Joe Swanberg. Keep doing these movie things you're doing.

Begin Again -- Speaking of directors I just enjoy swimming in the head-space of, John Carney once again (ha ha see what I did there... cuz he made Once, get it get it?) makes the act of creating beautiful music akin to, well the act of creation itself - he makes me feel alive. Okay I am alive, last I checked, but more alive. You know what I mean. He sways his hands to and fro and clears out the cobwebs, and let's in some guilt-free sunshine - I never even care that we're following the tried-and-true-and-trudged-into-oblivion tropes of the genre because dammit, he's got me humming. A la the poster for Last House on the Left he's got me repeating - I won't be ashamed that I've been listening to an Adam Levine song on repeat for a week ever since I saw this movie, I won't be ashamed that I've been listening to an Adam Levine song on repeat for a week ever since I saw this movie, I won't be ashamed... you get the point. If it's not quite a Once for me that leaves plenty of room for goodness - the fact that I can say that I'm in a place now that it seems weird that I ever disliked Keira Knightley testifies to all kinds of wiggle-room here, on the right side of that.

The Other Woman -- One of those movies you watch where you're just eyeballs agape at how anybody thought what they were making was in any way a good idea. Who are the human beings who make such things? I think, first and foremost, they are not human beings. I think this might be a plot. Movies like this, these expressions of bizarre inhuman tics played for inexplicable hollow laughs, they are a plot like Invasions of the Body Snatchers was a plot. These movies are the demonic cocoons that aliens of ill intent mean to destroy us with. Rise up, actual humanity! Put an end to this before it's too late! Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is for loving, he is not for stapling gigantic nipples to and pushing through glass walls! I feel like that's just a basic test that any actual human being would pass, and it's how we can sort out the aliens from the rest of us. Ask them what Nikolaj Coster-Waldau is for, and if they say the nipples-and-glass thing, shoot them in the head.
.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

To Die For (1995)

Suzanne Stone Maretto: You know Mr. Gorbachev, 
the guy that ran Russia for so long? I am a firm believer 
that he would still be in power today 
if he had had that ugly purple thing taken off his head. 

Happy 62, Gus Van Sant!

Which is Hotter?

.
Patrick Wilson in the Insidious movies
or Brad Pitt in Troy?
.
.
At first blush a random pairing, to be sure -- so what do they have in common? Their lady, that's what. (Or rather who.) It's Rose Byrne dipping her stick into both of these sexy wells, and Rose Byrne is turning 35 today so here we are. Lucky, lucky, lucky Rose.


Thursday's Ways Not To Die

.




Oh dear, things aren't looking good for that poor bullfrog.
Put your lips together and hit the jump for the rest!
.

Big Hero, Little Gun

.
I'm finding it really difficult to not make some sort of Chris Pratt + squirting pun here... damn. (via, thanks Mac)
.

Quote of the Day

.
"If I were to do this again, I would play her as myself and it would be live-action. ‘Cause everyone has to get older, darling. ... It would be exciting. We never finished the story; it’d be fun to finish it. They’d probably give me a cane, though. Hobble around. It would be fun to complete it. I didn’t feel it was the right time back when we were doing [Alien: Resurrection], but I kind of feel like now we would do a good job."

You guys - Sigourney Weaver really wants to make another Alien movie. It's becoming super clear, she's said something along these lines recently too, and now here she is turning an interview (thanks Mac) about the upcoming Alien videogame, which she did some Ripley work for, into a call for more - please please please tell me somebody is listening. Ridley Scott! You put down those gay swords and you get your ass over here right this second! You make Prometheus 2 into Alien 5 somehow, I don't care how. You put Michael Fassbender's decapitated head into cryo-sleep for however long it takes, and you cut to the bag being opened and Ripley staring down at him. YOU DO THAT RIGHT NOW, RIDLEY SCOTT.
.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... deep diving with Nev Schulman.
.
.
I guess today is all about the speedo - first we got that Jason Statham video and now this. Nev in all his furry glory only shows up at the end of the video to pose and flex for a hot second, but it's a perfectly fine hot second, it is. (See previous Nev appreciations here, and here, and here, and here, and here, and here.) And the rest of the video is a couple of cute dudes hanging around in speedos too, pretending it's silly that they'd ever wear speedos, when I was having a just fine time watching them in speedos. So basically, watch the video. And after the jump a couple more pics of Nev...

Finally The Jason Statham Diving Video

.
Do you guys have any idea how long I have been waiting for video of this to show up in the world? In case you're unawares, Jason Statham was briefly a professional diver, before becoming mister big man action movies. The only evidence we've had of this for ages and ages has been a couple of pictures, see them here and here. Which seemed insane - he was doing this in 1990 or so - we had invented the camera at that point! The moving camera, even!

Well somebody finally dug the damned video up that I knew was out there in the world. (Somebody = Jason's agent, digging through his underwear drawer.) Behold!
.

.
Honestly I don't know how long that copy will last on YouTube, they seem to be being snatched away, but you can probably still watch it here if that one disappears. Or you can look at all the pictures I've placed after the jump, that'll work too...

Good Morning, Mr. Grey

.
A million laptops just slid off a million moist laps this morning, as the trailer for the mommy-porn-du-jour Fifty Shades of Grey hit. Watch, wonder, cat-call and cream yourselves...
.
.
Sometimes I wonder if there isn't a little bit of misogyny in the collective disdain for this series - it's why I stopped making fun of Twilight eventually, because the fan-boy groans that series was met with felt a wee bit off, like how dare girls have dumb stuff too. Not that I ever got around to Twilight - I accepted they just weren't meant for me and moved on. With Grey though...

... there,seems to be some stuff that's meant for me in this trailer. It's funny, coming on the heels of my recent re-obsession with American Psycho - I don't doubt that the Grey books are shit, I've read passages, they are unbelievably embarrassing, but the fact that a woman is making this movie (like Mary Harron made Psycho) is kind of offering me hope.

Then again, unlike American Psycho, a woman also wrote this claptrap, so maybe my comparison's moot. It's not like Sam "Mrs. Aaron Johnson" Taylor-Wood is spinning around a man's misogynist vision from a feminist perspective. This is all on you, ladies. So hit the jump and put it on you...

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Just Cuz We're Pretty Everybody's Jealous

.
I honestly literally don't even know what to do with myself in the wake of today's announcement that the Film Society of Lincoln Center is hosting a John Waters retrospective in September. It's not just that they're showing all of his movies, and he'll be there for a bunch of them, including the early stuff that he's the only person even with copies of. It's that they're showing those early movies on a night they're calling "Celluloid Atrocity Night" and it's taking place on September 11th. (I'm pretty sure we now know that the fox in Antichrist actually said "BAD TASTE REIGNS.") It's that they're showing Polyester in Odorama, with the scratch-n-sniff cards. It's that John Waters is going to be introducing a screening of FINAL DESTINATION. I am at a total loss, you guys. It's like all the oxygen has been sucked out of my balls. It's too much. TOO MUCH!


Ryan Kwanten Three Times

.


This Is My Sophie's Choice

.
Egads it's another painful instance of how living in New York can sometimes present me with terrible choices between incredibly awesome things. The night of August 1st shall tear me in twain! I've already got tickets to see the Talking Heads doc Stop Making Sense at the Film Society of Lincoln Center with living genius David Byrne attending for a Q&A. David Byrne! David fucking Byrne!

But just now I've spotted that the Anthology Film Archives is doing a Klaus Kinski retrospective from July 31st to August 10th and the night of August 1st they are showing the awesome WTF-ery of Crawlspace, and the director David Schmoeller will be there! CRAWLSPACE, you guys. Let me refresh your memory - Crawlspace, the movie where Klaus Kinski wears Cosby sweaters as an exiled Nazi who kills people by shooting arrows up their butts. Crawlspace, the movie with Tané. Tané!!!

Style Maven, Songstress, Icon. What if Tané shows up too??? What if I could get a picture of myself with Tané, and I miss that opportunity? What if I could sing a duet of her breakaway pop hit* called "Just Tonight" with her in person? WHAT IF THAT???? (*not a breakaway pop hit)


Five Frames From ?

.



What movie is this?
.