Friday, November 21, 2014

By Liam Hemsworth's Beard

It seems very strange to me that there's a new Hunger Games movie out now and I haven't said a word, not a word, not a single syllable even, about it. I was there scarfing up the books on the day each one came out since forever ago. But I guess what is there to say at this point - it's here, I'll see it, it will make god pimp money, and I'll kinda pretty much forget about it until the next one. That's not to say it won't be good...

... everything I've heard has said it's good. But actually sitting down and watching the movies feels beside the point right at this moment in time. There's certainly nothing to say til I see it, at least.

I assume everybody's going this weekend? Maybe you already camped out last night wearing your best Effie costume? Well if you'd like to share your thoughts let 'em rip in the comments.

And have a great weekend, everybody!

Game of Bones

We've posted similar quotes from actresses on A Game of Thrones when they've been asked about the lopsided female-to-male nudity ratio of the show before, but we're always gonna post them when they happen, each and every last time, so the point continues to be made because obviously. Here's Natalie Dormer!

The Daily Beast: Speaking of “equality,” I understand HBO has a “boobs mandate,” but lots of viewers of Thrones think the show could use some more dick in there—for symmetry. 

Dormer: Well, during the first season Alfie, Richard, and several of the men got naked—although not all the way. I suppose it’s just the rules of broadcast television, isn’t it? I think Thrones has been better than your average show with the equality, but they could definitely ramp it up! Absolutely.

Because we're a stickler for these kinds of very very important details we would like to point out that she's wrong about Alfie (note how I got the words "stick" and "point" in that sentence) not going "all the way," which we'll prove to you after the jump.

Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... hugging a tree with Hart Bochner.

Supergirl is turning 30 today, you guys!

I know everybody maintains this movie is awful but oh my god I love it so. That said, no offense to Helen Slater but if I'm gonna write about Supergirl I'm gonna write about Hart Bochner (previous example) as the hunky dude-in-distress or I'm gonna write about Faye Dunaway.

Gloriously ridiculous Faye Dunaway camping it up like nobody's business as the gloriously ridiculous villainess Selena. In fact I think we oughta do a list in honor of thirty gloriously ridiculous years of Selena, that's what I think. I give you...

The Five Stages of Eye-Acting 
By Faye Dunaway in Supergirl

Stage 1: Simple, Human, Elegant

Stage 2: Slight Shade; Still Elegant

Stage 3: The Key Light Strikes

Stage 4: Glamour!


Who Wore It Best?

Kissing Jena Malone: Jake Gyllenhaal in Donnie Darko 
or Hayden Christensen in Life as a House?
Happy 30, Jena!

Chris Zylka Eleven Times


(via) My boyfriend finished watching The Leftovers the other day and told me I should finally get around to it (no, I haven't gotten around to it yet) but his one reservation was "that Abercrombie looking kid," by which I think he meant Mr. Zylka here. What do you guys think - is Chris the weak link? And should I sit down and watch it finally? But most importantly, will Justin Theroux show off his gigantic bouncing bulge again in the next season?

Five Frames From ?


What movie is this?

I Am Link

--- Hoggin' Heroes - Did any of you see Keanu Reeves in John Wick? I saw lots of critics talking about how fun it was but I don't think I know one person in "the real world" who even knew it existed. Anyway apparently Keanu's now talking with Tarsem Singh, director of The Cell, Immortals et cetera, about starring in Panopticon, which is about the one (excuse me, The One) man who can solve a puzzle to stop the world from ending. I'd love to hear what Keanu's psychiatrist has to say about his obsession with being The One.

--- Widows Peek - Yesterday I told you about that cool-sounding 80s British series Widows that director Steve McQueen is probably remaking for a feature film - today The Playlist has shared the entire first season of the show via YouTube. I have already downloaded it and got it raring to go, with an eye towards every part Michael Fassbender could possibly play natch.
--- Life After Wartime - So somebody's giving Mel Gibson the money to direct another movie it looks like, and THR is saying it might star Andrew Garfield. I don't know. Listen, if Mel Gibson were actually a talented man I could probably say let's move on past his gratuitously awful misdeeds; I don't have to like an artist in order to appreciate their art. But I just don't think Gibson's talented enough to make that leap so I'd rather he just went away, rolled around in his old millions somewhere, and not drag Andy down into the mire with him. I'd prefer just remembering Mel as a hot piece in leather pants once upon a time.

--- Stupid-pocalypse - I hated the book Robopocalypse, hated it, it's nothing but a title, so the news that the book's author Daniel H. Wilson is eaming up with Brad Pitt to write a "sci-fi take on the works of Jack London" called Alpha doesn't really fill me with the sort of glee hearing Brad Pitt wants to make a "sci-fi take on the works of Jack London" usually would. I wonder what happened to Robopocalypse being turned into a movie though? Wasn't Steven Spielberg supposed to be making it with Chris Hemsworth or something?

--- The World's End - News broke last night that Josh Boone, the director of The Fault in Our Stars, who's been attached to making the film version of Stephen King's The Stand probably longer than any other sorry fellow who's come and went over the years, is going to make an entire series of movies, four probably, from the book. You know what, I haven't read The Stand in maybe 15 years, I really should give it a whirl again.

--- Slasher: A Love Story - Since I'm me I think this sounds like a super-fun idea: Cheap Thrills director EL Katz is set to make You'll Be the Death of Me, which sounds like it's half rom-com half slasher - it's described thus: "The comedy thriller follows two single New Yorkers as their budding romance is complicated by a masked knife-wielding psychopath." I thought Cheap Thrills was pretty fun too, for, you know an exercise in gleeful sadism.

--- Ballyhooed Blonde - Oh the happy happy joy joy that goosed my every fiber seeing my beloved Laura Dern front and center for The Hollywood Reporter's annual Actress Roundtable issue - I haven't seen Wild yet, but if it's giving that good lady a chance at recognition of the golden statue sort, it's got my ear. Over at TFE Nathaniel's dissecting the cover in minute and hysterical detail; so much shade thrown at Amy Adams! It really is ridiculous that she's on there again though. I'd say I hope she wins just so they'll stop putting her on the cover but she's going against Julianne Moore Best Actress-wise right? Ha good luck. (knock on wood, of course.)

--- Do Look Now - I forgot to mention this but it's worth mentioning even a few days late - Criterion's releasing Nicholas Roeg's glorious midget porn Don't Look Now on blu-ray in February! They're 4K-ing it up so expect eye-bugging gorgeousness from all the parts that aren't Donald Sutherland's ass. The extras, per usual with Criterion, do sound smashing though.

--- Return To Twin Peaks - Agenda Magazine interviewed David Lynch regarding his photography exhibit that's on display in Brussels right now, but they managed to get some non-quotes out of him on the Twin Peaks revival he's set to make for HBO. Even beyond that though Lynch is always worth listening to talk about anything. Oh and did you see that my best girlfriend (I wish) Grace Zabriskie pretty much said she'll definitely be returning? YESSSSSS.

Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... you can learn from:

Working Girl (1988)

Cyn: Sometimes I sing and dance around the house in
my underwear. Doesn't make me Madonna. Never will.

If you follow me on Twitter you saw that I watched most of three movies last night -- The Birds was on TCM and I always get sucked into that; and also a pair of Mike Nichols' flicks in honor of his passing - Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf? (which I didn't finish because my copy was in bad shape and Elizabeth Taylor's face kept turning into a formless blob, insert snide comment in Richard Burton's voice here) and Working Girl, which I didn't finish because I am old and it was after 11pm and my bed was calling. But I did tweet some fun stuff about all three movies, I think. Like hey look David Duchovny is an extra in Working Girl!

Learn something new every day.

Good Morning, World

Chris Meloni and I had a wonderful night together last night, via what I am just going to go ahead and assume was a shared dream between the two of us, a neurologically-linked erotic experience, our own personal little "Somewhere Out There" if Fievel had been singing of endless, endless fucking. Anyway I'm sure I've posted these shots from the Lifetime (or at least Lifetime-ish) 1993 movie Falsely Accused before, in which Lisa Hartman is accused of murdering her baby, gasp, but I think I've posted everything Chris Meloni before so these will have to do. Thanks for the fun night, Chris!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

As Above So Below in 250 Words or Less

The soft spot I have for found-footage horror movies is basically a bruise at this point, but I don't care, I will shout it out unto the indifferent to downright hostile world -- I'll take most all the crap this genre will fling my way and ask for more, it seems. (Even the scarring experience of the godawful Apollo 18 couldn't keep me away for long.) As Above So Below, the new one from The Brothers Dowdle (they were behind Poughkeepsie Tapes and the [REC] remake Quarantine), is just an endless string of silliness - it's Goonies versus The Blair Witch with the dust off an Indiana Jones skeleton shaken on top like powdered sugar - but who had fun? I had fun. 

It's basically a Vincent Price haunted house movie flipped upside down with oogie-boogies jumping at the screen at timed intervals and a plot written in fine-print that fades off towards the horizon, but by the time I got halfway through any groan I had the movie was already onto the next bout of sneaking spectres and it just wore down my reservations with its gee-whiz dumb-dumb enthusiasms. Oh sure by the end my questions were stacked as high as the Eiffel Tower, but logical sinkholes aside there really are a couple of finely rendered scare experiences up in this thing - images splayed in the underground fire-light, the cavernous dark, that just might just sneak into my next nightmare.

Jack O'Connell Six Times

Well we have our answer! My answer, that is. I posted one of these pictures of Jack O'Connell rocking a pair of old-timey briefs on Monday not sure if it was real or not - well today I was flipping through a magazine sitting in my office (a magazine called Man About Town) of all places, and there it was, in all it's real glory, along with several more shots.

How dare I doubt your commitment, Jack O'Connell. 

Gratuitous Florian David Fitz II

For those of you keeping track (read: nobody nowhere) it's been exactly one year to the day since I posted that gigantic (and well worth your time clicking on) Gratuitous Florian David Fitz post in honor of the German actor's 39th birthday, and I still haven't seen him act in anything. That's not his fault, he put out three movies this year, but none of them seem to make it to the States and I don't know what's what if it's not right in front of me. 

But golly he is still super adorable (there are a few more previously posted shots here and here), plus he's German which is like an instant bonus gold star, so if you hit the jump I gathered up a few (dozen) pictures I haven't gotten to before (including a couple shots of him and his previously-repeatedly-gratuitized and very handsy pal Matthias Schweighöfer). Happy 40, Florian!

I Am Link

--- What A Dick - Have you guys read what Jared Leto has to say about the rumors that he might play The Joker in the DC villain-fest Suicide Squad? If you haven't be prepared to want to rend yourself limb from limb and set fire to your eyeballs once you do, because it's the word "insufferable" distilled to its brain-searing essence. There was a hot minute when he was squeezing his junk on stage where I got confused, bewildered, the lights were all in my eyes and those old familiar stirrings stirred... well I'd like to thank him for talking me back from the ledge with his insipid fucking obnoxiousness once again. Please someone make him go away.

--- Liked Mike - Here's my Understatement of the Day: We lost a major talent in Mike Nichols, y'all. In some ways it feels like an outlier that I'd mourn the director of so much Broadway stuff, but as Joe Reid gets across in his wonderfully observed run-down of what a great adapter Nichols was, his focus ran the gamut far and wide enough to bring us all under the umbrella. I was thinking of doing a list on him but I don't think I will have the time; anyway Silkwood is probably my favorite of his work. My love for Silkwood runs very very deep.

--- Big Bentley - On the opposite end of the spectrum from Leto's unhinged ego here we have a nice little chat with Wes Bentley (thanks Mac), who seems genuine and grateful to have gotten his groove back after busting that terrible drug habit that sidelined his career for so long, and who comes off as humble, imagine that.

--- Last Wives Club -  Well now there's a great big question mark about what director Steve McQueen's doing next - we know he's working on that series for HBO, for one; then yesterday we heard he is making a bio-pic of Paul Robeson. And today comes word via Variety that he's adapting the ITV series called Widows, which is a thriller about the widows of four criminals coming together to finish the crime that killed their hubbies. I mean that sounds like fun, I want him to make that, he needs to have some fun. (Not to mention Michael Fassbender could definitely fit into this one somehow.)

--- Nobody Loves An Albatross - I still haven't watched the original but I'll take any excuse to post about Idris Elba these days (as I proved yesterday) - his well-liked series Luther is being rebooted for US television, with the original folks (Idris included) producing. And the BBC is actually bringing the character back, as played by Idris, for a two-part miniseries. What I wanna know is, when is No Good Deed coming out on DVD? I can't believe I missed it in theaters; I need that shower scene!

--- Wand Lovers - Speaking Of the Beeb (and I feel like I'm talking about British television a lot lately) they are apparently adapting the massive magician fun-time book Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell, I had no idea. They've already released the first image from it! Have any of you read the book? I did when it was a big deal when it came out in 2004 (has it really only been ten years?) and I remember liking it, but I don't remember a ton about it now. Remembering how gigantic that book is I even wonder now the hell I ever read all that.

--- A Knight's Tail - And speaking of Idris again, the role he was momentarily mentioned for in Guy Ritchie's King Arthur movie starring Charlie Hunnam, that of Merlin, has gone to Djimon Honsou, so I guess Ritchie had a visual in mind for Merlin. But I'm down with Djimon, anyway.

--- Future Past - This seems like an odd fit - Paul Greengrass, he of the Bourne films and Captain Phillips, is planning on adapting George Orwell's 1984 into a new movie. I suppose the story's timeless but I do feel like it presents a problem, adapting a work about the future that's set in our past at this point, right? It feels like it's a thing that now has to be addressed. Anyway I haven't read 1984 since high school, how about y'all?

John Cameron Mitchell Is Hedwig, Again

The original, accept no mico-penised rock-star substitutes, is coming back to do the show on Broadway for eight weeks, starting on January 21st!!! I saw and I liked NPH in the role, but I have haaaaaaaaaated the fact that I missed John do his original run back in the day so I've already snapped up tickets for this, like fuckin' lightning. You can buy your tickets right here. And if you want to read the press release, hit the jump...

You Can't Get Rid Of The Babadook Book

I told you awhile back that the folks behind the super-good new horror film The Babadook were working on realizing here in the real-world the pop-up book from the movie for all of us to bring home and enjoy and terrorize those we love or maybe don't love so much with -- well it's happening!!! You can pre-order a copy of the book over here. They need to reach 2000 orders before they get on with it, so y'all go and order 10 copies so I can get my one, okay?

Thursday's Ways Not To Die


I love that this is how Tim Burton treats Martin Landau 
after he wins his Oscar. The (exposed) nerve! 

So yesterday marked the 15th anniversary of the release of Burton's last great movie. Oh sure there are some good things he's given us since then - Eva Green in Dark Shadows, for example - but Sleepy Hollow is the last movie of his I like without reservation. It's just so pretty, you guys...

... I really want to live in the Hammer-fied sound-stages of this movie, all low fog and artificial skies. It's weird, my one memory of the movie's reception at the time is of people complaining about Burton's lovingly detailed renderings of neck stumps...

... as if a movie about the Headless Horseman should avoid such unsavoriness. Good grief, people. (Sidenote: it's also, give or take this moment, the last time I found Johnny Depp attractive in a movie, for what that's worth.) Anyway regarding the violence I like this quote from Roger Ebert's review:

"There's a lot of gore (the movie deserves its R rating), but it's not mean gore, if you know what I mean--it's gore dictated by the sad fate of the Headless Horseman."

It's kind of crazy looking back on it that the studio let this movie get released with an R rating; that would never happen today. They'd have shaved it down more than Chris Walken's teeth.

(Hit the jump for links to the rest of the Ways Not To Die)