Monday, September 22, 2014

True Love

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This news is like twenty-four hours old which is the internet news equivalent to this, but hey I clearly gotta give love to Colin Farrell confirming he's in the second installment of True Detective. This is wonderful news! I just hope that we side-step the Vince Vaughn landmine - I already had to deal with the "one dude I like, one dude I loathe" dynamic the first season.
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Everything You Ever Need To Know About Life...

... learn from:

The Descent (2005)

Sam: Trying to set this watch is impossible, 
the buttons are too fucking small. 
Holly: Why do you wear that thing anyway? 
Sam: My boyfriend gave it to me, it's sentimental. 
Holly: It's fucking mental, any guy who'd give that to me 
I'd dump him on the spot. 

That snappy bit of dialogue sets up the later scene in the movie where that awful watch goes off at the most inopportune time ever and manages to get everyone torn to pieces by cave-dwelling mole-monsters, so clearly Holly should have been listened to. I think the third movie should be about getting revenge... on Sam's boyfriend who gave her the fucking thing.

A happy 35th birthday to MyAnna Buring today -- you might also know MyAnna from Neil Marshall's other movie (and all-around great fucking time) Doomsday, or maybe from Ben Wheatley's wonderful Kill List, or maybe from Downton Abbey - she was the maid that tried to molest Branson!

And who could blame her? Anyway back to The Descent - has anybody watch it lately? I have been seriously jonesing for a re-watch over the past few months but I haven't gotten around to it. The film's mentioned in this interesting (not entirely great, but interesting) roundtable discussion over at Consequence of Sound on "The State of Horror Films in 2014," where a team of writers talk about what they consider the best horror movies of the past 15 years - they're unnecessarily hard on Insidious and found-footage by my measure, but some fine points are made nonetheless.
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Today's Fanboy Delusion

Today I'd rather be...

... jockeying for Chris Pine's attention.

Y'all recall that Joe Carnahan movie Stretch that I've told you about a few times now? It stars Chris Pine and Patrick Wilson...

... and it's coming out on VOD next month after a bit of a delay? Well a pair of videos for the movie came out over the weekend - one full clip, and one behind-the-scenes gag reel - and they're all about Chris Pine (rocking what I called his "Gorton's Fisherman Beyond Thunderdome" look) shimmying his ass in a jockstrap in front of Patrick Wilson.

It's a whole lot of something to behold. So if you wanna - behold Chris Pine's bare ass, that is - hit the jump where I'll share the videos plus a whole buncha caps. (Bonus: there's a scene of Patrick Wilson shaking his ample ass, too)...

Drainage!!!

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This week's "Beaust vs Beast" is live, and it's a slick situation I am putting us in -- head over to The Film Experience to let us know where your loyalties lay in yet another knock-down-drag-out between Paul Dano and Daniel Day-Lewis's characters in There Will Be Blood. I saw the film for the first time in a couple of years projected with a live orchestra this weekend (a live orchestra including Jonny Greenwood!) so's the movie's on my mind.


The Noted Homosexual Comes Clean

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Well not really, but it's a step in that direction... sort of. By omission (his middle name), at least. There's an interview with Noted Homosexual Luke Evans with The Telegraph out today, and well Luke has maybe decided to tidy up his messy little corner a little bit. Sweep things into a pile. (Of crap.) The passage of import:

"One of the advantages of becoming famous in your 30s is this ability to view yourself objectively and make judgments both personal and professional accordingly. One of the disadvantages is that any early candour may come back to haunt you. So when Evans decided to out himself at 22 (‘I’m going to have to be open,’ he told The Advocate magazine in 2002. ‘It’s who I am’) he may not have imagined how this would be blown up beneath the magnifying glass of a later celebrity. 

‘As I’ve grown up in this business over the past five or six years I’ve realised that there’s very little you can keep private,’ he says now. ‘So I’m protecting the only bit that I have any control over. My private life feels like the last thing I can keep hold of.’ Does he regret being so open early on? ‘I’m very happy with who I am – and so are my family.'"

Honestly though, what is he even going on about? He makes becoming a well-paid action-movie star sound like he's having nails driven up under his fingers. "My private life is all I have to hold on to!!!" Oh the exquisite pain and drama of it all -- it's so hard for Luke Evans making his big dumb movies. I mean what does that statement even mean? What exactly has he given up that his love-life is all he has left? It's nonsense. What he means is, "The only reason anybody writes blog posts (cough cough) about me is because I am insufferable with my unending nonsense, so I have to keep the only thing interesting about me going." Translation accomplished.
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Good Morning(ish), World

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That's Emmett Scanlan, the Irish actor we fell for (and gratuitized back in July) via the BBC's most wonderful zombie show In the Flesh, shirtless-selfie'ing himself on his Instagram over the weekend. He says he's gotten ripped thanks to Joe Manganiello's book! Clearly they should "collaborate." Anyway this post is later than the usual "Good Morning, World" post because New York Film Festival screenings are going on right now; I'll be inhabiting strange hours for the next few weeks, so have patience with me, my loves. Cinema demands so much sacrifice!
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Friday, September 19, 2014

Saturday Night Suicide

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It's a very tricky tonal tightrope The Skeleton Twins wants to walk, and save a couple wee wobbles I'm pretty certain that from wher I was sitting it gives us gawkers a good and stylish show. First, the minor quibbles - you ladle it on with those skeleton dolls a little thick; we get it, we got it fifty minutes before that, maybe even when we walked in the door, heard the name of the movie, started breathing - we got it. 

Also Bill Hader maybe refers to himself as the "gay" fill-in-the-blank (uncle, brother, what-have-you) one too many times? You get the feeling he's been out since forever, and take it from personal experience you stop thinking of yourself a "gay" anything once you get over the fact, and the movie very clearly is taking pains to show he's over the fact; his issues aren't with his gayness but other junk, so that verbal fixation betrayed, to me, a slight misunderstanding of the character, or maybe I should say a misplaced focus. 

I will say I think that Rich Juzwiak's piece at Gawker on the movie over-states its defense of Hader's character's queeniness though - I went into it expecting a mincer from a 20s musical and found anything but. Milo might not be ball-scratching butch personified but he's hardly Stefon from SNL either. He seemed perfectly credible and human, indulging some of the stereotypes we all do, while defying plenty of others. (And so goes the weight of the world upon all the gay characters, having to be all gay things to all gay everybodies.)

Kristen Wiig meanwhile gives her best performance to date - watching her hone her dramatic chops has been worthwhile; there are no Seth-Rogen-ish half-grins marring the more somber moments here - you feel her pain. (So much so that I'm actually starting to worry about her - depression is a continuing theme in all of her work so far.) But I'm making everything sound too dour, this is a very funny movie too. Hader and Wiig have enough chemistry for a dozen of these films, and it pours off the screen whether they're screaming themselves raw or offering a cavalcade of fart noises.
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Five Frames From ?

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What movie is this?
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Young Love, By Tab Hunter

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Which is Hotter?

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Robin or Batman?
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Happy 86, Adam West!
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I Am Link

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--- Queen Of All Media - Occasionally I get sad that I never started watching RuPaul's Drag Race - it's featured two queens from my home-town that I was watching perform on a dinky stage fifteen years ago for one, and for another I do find Ru charmingly clever. So I'm thankful to TFE for transcribing some bits from his recent AMA on Reddit - naturally my favorite bit was the bit about Eddie Cibrian in his cut-off jean-shorts.

--- More Roars - The dude who wrote the first Godzilla movie rode into town at just the right giant monster loving moment (I've been clamoring for such a moment ever since The Host) - he's just been signed to write the sequel, and he's also writing that King Kong prequel that Tom Hiddleston is starring in.

--- Feeling Super - It seems that Deadpool footage we saw online several weeks back was a testing of the waters, and they found the waters fine - the X-Men spinoff movie's been greenlighted for a Winter 2016 release and yes, it appears it will be Ryan Reynolds slipping into another latex bodysuit. Maybe this time they'll use his actual real beautiful muscles and not the CG bullshit they pulled on us with The Green Lantern. In other superhero movie news, the Fantastic Four reboot has been moved into August 2015, aka the date that was reserved for Michael Fassbender's Assassin's Creed film - Creed hasn't even started filming yet so this was probably a wise move.

--- Well Endowed - In general I don't really care enough about the news that Seth Rogen is teaming up with Anchorman director Adam McKay to make a movie, but I did get a chuckle out of Roger's statement: 

"Every 2,000 years, the planets of our galaxy align in a perfect line that funnels the cosmic energies of the universe to flow into one perfect comedic collaboration. The time is now. This is that project. Nothing will ever be the same. McKay and Schwartz are real smart, well-endowed guys, and we couldn't be more excited to be working with them."

--- Female Filler - I know the general sentiment about Cody Horn in the first Magic Mike can be described best with a bloodcurdling shriek, but honestly I'd take ten of her affect-less performances over Jada Pinkett Smith shrilling around with her horrible shrew self. Also on-board in the lady department is Andie MacDowell, who's proven herself useless time and again in anything not named Groundhog Day. I know there's no reason for Olivia Munn to come back but man, she was great in the first movie.

--- Mo Mackie - Two days ago we told you about Scoot McNairy joining David Gordon Green's new film - well here's word that another fine actor is attached: Anthony Mackie will co-star in Our Brand is Crisis, with McNairy and Billy Bob Thornton and Sandra Bullock and so on. S'nice, that DGG has become so popular with good actors, isn't it?

--- Golden Grab - I loved Once and I loved Begin Again but I don't know if I can move along to director John Carney's next musical, which is apparently based on music from Bono and The Edge from U2. Has Bono won an Oscar yet? Clearly he's gunning for one, and I can't support that. Still the movie is going to star the adorable Chris-Pratt-Jr.-ish Jack Reynor (they really have got to play brothers some time) and Hunnam-licker slash Littlefinger Aiden Gillen, so...

--- Halftime Heroes - Ang Lee has lined up his next movie, which is an adaptation of the book Billy Lynn's Long Halftime Walk, which apparently mixes up two of my favorite fetishes - army uniforms and football uniforms. Sounds like a winner! Give it all the Oscars! Seriously though, has anybody read the book? I saw it described as satire somewhere (not the link I'm offering).
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Good Morning, Kevin Zegers

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A happy 30th to Kevin Zegers today - it's a shame he hasn't really found that role after Transamerica, he was very good in that, I thought. I blame whomever's idea it was for him and gratuitous god Godfrey Gao to  play boyfriends in those City of Bones movies and never give them a love scene. 

Anyway as far as actors on Instagram go Kevin keeps a fairly respectable one, light on the "Me! Me! Me!" ness that plagues his peers (which we exploit with glee, natch) - it seems like he's got a solid and happy personal life; this being somebody who started acting at the age of 8, this is cause to celebrate. But then we wouldn't be writing this post if we didn't find some stuff to show off, so hit the jump for a few shots (with a bonus extra gif from Transamerica worth a good hard glance or three)...

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Thursday's Ways Not To Die

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Let this be a lesson to you, kids - don't go firing your super-powered eyeball lasers into the lakes where your mutant girlfriend drowned - not only will you probably kill some poor innocent fish, but she'll probably come back as a deranged super-being hell-bent on tearing apart the very fabric of our existence. The more you know. (Although I do like the way this scene echoes the way Jason Voorhees is brought back from the dead in Part VII.) Hit the jump for the remainder of this (terrible, dumb) scene...


Today's Mood

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(via)
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The Man Who Can't Breathe

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This is the first teaser poster for the third Insidious movie, and it is fantastic. I mean visually it's not terribly interesting, except that sharp red type is nicely confrontational - but the words! The words! The words are nightmare-fuel. Right off the bat they sneak their way into your brain with hints of suffocation (admittedly, suffocation always gets me) and from there on all bets are off. I'm on the record as a huge fan of the first two Insidii, and this gives me invigorated hope for #3 whereas I had been worried, what with director James Wan moving on to speed-racer-pastures. His co-writer Leigh Whannell is directing this one and I think we might be in safe, blessedly sinister hands. Insidious: Chapter 3 is out in May. (via)
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Alexander Koch Three Times

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I had to stop watching Under the Dome because it was making me crazy, literally crazy, every time I watched it, it is so so so dumb. I actually got so angry in the middle of an episode that I figured out a way to violently remove a subscription from my DVR, which is not an easy task. But I did it! Violently! And if you have any idea how much I love Mike Vogel, and love watching Mike Vogel run around in blue jeans, then you know what a sacrifice this was, and how hard it was for me to do it. But enough was enough. Fucking space eggs and butterflies and bullshit.

Anyway Alexander Koch (previously gratuitized here) is a pretty pretty block of wood - you know who he reminds me of? Pier Paolo Pasolini's under-age boyfriend Ninetto Davoli (see more of him here).

Ninetto was also kind of a pretty block of wood, honestly. I'm seeing Abel Ferrara's Pasolini bio-pic next week and I wonder if the dude they did cast (Riccardo Scamarcio) as Ninetto will be any better. Don't emote too realistically, Riccardo!